I SAY it the way I SEE it!

Archive for March, 2011

They Don’t Care


Went to see the social worker again today. I’m finally on a regular schedule and will be seeing her on a weekly basis. I made sure I stressed from the very beginning that I DO NOT wish to take any meds! I’ve had with medication! All I want to do is talk, that’s all.

Given the amount of time I have each session and the amount of stuff I have to talk about, I feel like I’m overwhelming to poor woman! Today I told her about the job and all of its horridness. She was properly shocked and literally told me “No wonder I was in the shape I was in. . . . . ” I likened it to being on the battlefield in Iraq. Only instead of guns and bombs, I’m dealing with threats, intimidation, apathy and corruption.

It’s sad to say that in that place nobody cares. That’s it. NOBODY!

When I went back to work briefly last week, I found out that The Boss Lady’s mom had passed away. She had been suffering from terminal cancer and they had given her a couple of months to live. Her struggle ended on 03/16/2011. When I returned to work, I found out her funeral had been the day before. Of course no one had called me to let me know. To top it off, people kept coming to me and asking me if I had gone to The Boss Lady’s mother’s service. Now, the only reason they would do that is because they themselves DID NOT GO, and were trying to suss out whether someone else went so they wouldn’t feel so bad. DISGUSTING!

At the time the most I could do was send The Boss Lady a condolence email. At the time, I have no clue if someone had taken up a collection or not. Totally unprofessional if you would ask me. Totally! The woman worked there for nearly 30 years, and at her time of sorrow, no one supports her. I should not be surprised because the same thing happened to me. My conclusion? The Department doesn’t give a FUDGE about us. Period.

I hate to revisit the situation, but I see why my co-worker committed suicide seven years ago. It’s so sad because after she did that, NOTHING CHANGED! In fact people became even more APATHETIC!

The only thing which comforts me is the fact that I have Jesus, and that HE will never leave me or forsake me. Also, one day, every one of those people will have to give an account before God. There is no way that people are to be treated with such SAVAGERY. Even animals show more respect for one another! And God made us HIGHER THAN ANIMALS, yet we insist on living in the animal nature.

It’s time to stop howling now. . . . . . . .


Disappointed & Outraged!

Disappointed & Outraged!


I returned to work and the first thing I get is a letter from the Mayor’s office. What is it about? The December 26, 2010 Blizzard! Remember that? 26-30 inches of snow in New York City, so much so the so-called city that never sleeps, screeched to a halt!

Mayor Bloomberg got on the TV and radio and announced anyone who was NOT essential employees ( Police, Fire, Sanitation, Doctors, Nurses, etc ) should stay home and off the roads. So that’s what people did, they stayed home. You couldn’t go no damned where anyway! Buried in snow like we were, nothing was running and if you didn’t have food and drink in your house, you were up the creek! Because NOTHING WAS OPEN!

Anyway, a few days after the storm and after Mayor Bloomberg got his tail bitten off by the media for the worse snow cleanup job in two centuries, he gets on the TV and radio and excoriates all city workers for NOT MAKING AN EFFORT TO GET TO WORK! Huh?! How was anyone going to get to work in a BLIZZARD?

I personally made an effort to get to work, by calling and asking for them to send a car to pick me up. I was told that the precinct was SNOWED IN and they couldn’t even get out! So the desk sergeant gave me the day off. Period, dot.
Now this letter was telling us that the city is willing to compensate us for the time off, but, only after we fill out this one page form and stipulate we made EVERY EFFORT TO COME TO WORK ON THAT DAY.

I threw mine in the trash. Why? Because I’m not going to waste time with that! I have already determined that I do not get paid enough to come out in weather like that in order to go to work. I am NOT Sir Edmond Hillary ( the first man to ascend Mount Everest ), nor do I pretend to be! I’ve already broken one arm and I’m walking around with rods and screws holding it together. And I do not wish to break anything else, especially at my age!

So the next time there is SEVERLY inclement weather, unless they can come and pick me up, and take me home, I am not coming in to work. I don’t care what they do to me! And as far as I’m concerned, I’m considered “Non-essential personnel” because I’m just a clerical worker, not a cop.

Speaking of cops, a lot of them could not come to work because they lived all the way out on Long Island and Upstate New York, where they had twice as much snow as we did! So some of them were trapped up there. Some of the old timers knew the storm was coming and brought clothes and stayed for a couple of days, but rest didn’t.

Now. . . . .

I am thoroughly disgusted with myself. I wrote a short fan-fiction story last year and showed it to a friend. The so-called friend excoriated the story so badly that I have no clue what I did with the thing. I thought I had saved it, and I just finished going through my documents and I CAN’T FIND IT! I remember being tremendously upset, but I don’t recall tossing the story.

It seems like this is my never ending story. Allowing idiots to read my works. That’s right you are an IDIOT if you read someone else’s work and completely excoriates and vilifies their work! I say it again and again you have to realize the person took personal time out to be creative and write the story. No matter how long it took them. With some people the words just flow off the tips of their fingers as they type into the computer. Others take days to muse over one paragraph. Either way it take time to create a story. And the writer would much rather hear whether you like the story or not, not the semantics and doctrine, and canon, and didactics, etc.


That’s my story for today
Via Con Dios



This is simply horrible. I have not been in here in so many days it is a pure shame. And I used to be so faithful in making entries. It seems like after Mom died, I have nothing else to talk about. Or perhaps my priorities changed. What ever happened that affected my blogging tremendously.

Sigh! Moving on!

I’ve been sick for practically the entire month of March! First it was the flu, then my back, then when I went back to work, I picked up some crud from my co-worker which laid me up with a fever and head cold. I’m SICK OF IT! I bet they are having hissy fits at work. Well too bad!

Speaking of work. I sincerely believe that our office is a SICK OFFICE! First of all, our office is a windowless box, so there is no ventilation. We have air vents, but they haven’t been cleaned in about five years since the place opened, so you can just imagine the mold spores and crap living in them. The only source of fresh air is the door which is kept open 24/7/365.

So you can just imagine when someone comes in sick, everyone gets it! I already have tons of allergies, add to that low resistance and whamo!

As for work itself. It is totally out of control! The Boss Lady thinks she has everything under control, but she doesn’t. My co-workers do what ever the heck they want and they don’t care what she says or does. And The Boss Lady does not inspire any respect because she does not teach anything to anyone.

Case in point, we have two new ladies working in our office. They have been working there since November 2010 and they are just as clueless about the job as the first day they set foot in the office. Now how is that? It’s the supervisor’s job to TRAIN the new people and so far the ladies have been complaining that The Boss Lady has taught them nothing. I can vouch for that, because she has done the same thing with me. I learned most of my job by trial and error.

For the life of me, I will never understand that workplace. How can you work, if you are not trained to do the task appropriately? How can you function if you don’t have the proper equipment? It’s a constant battle in there over these two questions. Sad to say, the clerical staff ALWAYS gets blamed when things go wrong, and often for things we have NOTHING TO DO WITH!

I used to accept it when they came at me like the prosecuting attorney on a high profile trial. I had no clue it was just their way of intimidation and causing fear. Now, I let them have it! If you are gonna step to me, you better step to me right, or I will SET YOU STRAIGHT. Yes, even The Boss Lady! Why? She amazingly lets everyone do what they heck they want, but when I do something, all of a sudden there is a big uproar! What’s up with that?

Good grief! No wonder I pray a lot when I’m there! The demonic atmosphere is horrible! That’s why the Bible says: PRAY WITHOUT CEASING! Lord, please forgive me for not adhering to that more often!

That’s it for now!

Via Con Dios!

Bad, Bad!


Yes, The Wolf has been a very bad creature and I’ve not been here. Why? I’ve been hibernating. For the past week or so I’ve had a HORRID MIGRAINE headache! It reminded of the headache I had when I had fell down and struck my head a while back. I think it was in 1992.

It was an unfortunate incident where I had fallen down a flight of steps, in the building where I lived. No I did not slip. I was CLUMSY! Well, as a result of that I fractured my right orbit, gave myself a nice concussion ( which took moths to recover from ) and a nasty gash which required twenty stitches over my right eye. I also had whiplash in my right shoulder. Back then I would have excruciating headaches.

Well last week it was just like that and worse. First it was the dratted headache then it traveled down my neck to my back. Needless to say, I was laid up. Though the weather had broken and was very nice, I hardly left the house.

I was also suffering from intense depression. All I did was sleep. Yes, I had the classic signs, I had lost interest in everything I loved. I didn’t even go out to run that much, and you know I love to do that. I didn’t go out to church either. I wanted to go but it seemed like too much for me to get up, get cleaned up, dressed and out of the house. So I stayed home and hibernated.

I finally dragged my carnivorous butt out the house to see a doctor at the insistence of a friend. They happened to text me ( annoying me to the upmost because my cellphone vibrates ) and asked if I was there and if I was okay? I had to answer back because we have a close relationship through writing on the Online Starbase. When I told him what was wrong, he told me “to get my butt to the doctor”. So I did.

The doctor looked me over, pressed and poked. Why do doctors press and poke where it hurts the most? Holly cow! I almost shot straight through the ceiling! OMG! Anyway, since I wouldn’t take muscle relaxers and pain pills, she recommended I use either a heating pad, or heat patches for the pain, and gave me a chart of weird stretched I have to start doing on a regular basis to keep my back limber.

She also asked me about my depression and I broke down and told her about it. She told me an interesting fact. That when people suffer intense emotional stress ( like I did because of Mom’s death ) they often suffer physical pain. I kind of knew that. Some people would say it’s all in your head, but this proves, it really is. Anyway, since the social worker still had a light night opening, my doctor put me in to see her.

I finally got to see her after all of the runaround. You know me, working nights, it’s just plain impossible to get in touch with me. We talked and I really like her. So we set up an appointment for next week, and we are going to see each other on a regular basis. I just wanted to talk to someone who understands this stuff more than I do. At least this time I don’t have to worry about Mom.

She did have one suggestion I didn’t like. She told me I needed to visit my Mom’s grave. Actually she was “intured”. Forgive the spelling. She was placed and sealed into one of those wall niches with a plaque on it. She suggested I take some of the Brothers & Sisters with me from the church, but I’m really not ready to do that yet. I witness when she was sealed into the thing last August and the vision is still fresh in my mind. No thanks for now.

Well, that’s my story. . . . . . .

Via Con Dios!.



03/15/2011 – Monday
There are many things I want to say, but just don’t have the time to say them. And since I didn’t make entries for the past couple of days I might be making several entries in one day. I’m allowed I think.

Stupid WiFi is not working at work. It is working but I can no longer post my blogs or story chapters. It works nifty for Facebook and twitter updates though. Pah!

First I would like to express my sorrow and prayers for those in Japan. I pray that through this horrible circumstances that they would look up and see a Saviour who is waiting with open arms for them.

Although I am a rock ribbed ( black ) Conservative, I would much rather see the United States of American render humaintarian aide to Japan than to put boots down and fight in Libya.

I had a sort of discussion with a friend the other day and determined either they are a complete and total idiot, that they or retarded, mentally incompetent, or they are just trying to “game me”, or “scam me”. What ever it is, I have washed my hands of them.. Ever have that happen to you? Perhaps it’s just me. . . . . . . . .

Like I’ve said several times in the past, I’m too old for the Bravo Sierra! Not military or ex-military, Google the phrase “Bravo Sierra”. . . . . . . .

I’m finally sleeping a little better. I’ve been remembering to take my Melatonin before I go to sleep so it can help ease me down. It take a while for me to wind down when I get off work. and depending on the day, sometimes I don’t wind down at all. which means I gets zero sleep. No fun for an insomniac! The good news. I didn’t have to take on Ambien pill! Thank You Jesus! I don’t want to wind up hooked on that crap again!

Through it all, I’m still writing. I posted my 81st Chapter of Free Enterprise yesterday! I don’t know why I’m not writing a book. . . .

Perhaps I will do NaNoWriMo this year. . . . . . .

Food for thought.

Blessed Be!

Three Days Off & Other Things


Sorry I haven’t been here. Been kinda busy. First of all I had a schedule change. Stupid job sent me to a class on Monday ( 3/7/2011 ), so I had to work a double on Monday. I worked my regular shift, left an hour early to travel uptown to attend the class which would be all day too, The horrid thing about it was the fact that they was supposed to give me a tour change at the same time as the notification for the class. They did not, so I did MY OWN tour change.

Now the class was a sham. Like most of the classes NYPD has. You sit there at these classes and in my humble opinion, you don’t really learn anything. A complete waste of time and taxpayer money!

Why was I at this class? Because The Queen Bee was sending me. Actually The Boss Lady convinced her to send me ( and all of my co-workers ) to it. NYPD is slowly computerizing a lot of the work which used to be typed ( that’s right I said TYPED ) and therefore taking tasks away from us.

It makes our work easier because we had less to be concerned about. As it is we have tons of paperwork to be concerned about, then dealing with the public is no joke. There is such a thing as inundating a worker to the point where they just totally shut down. Let’s just say some workplaces take multitasking to the nth degree. . . . .

Anyway, with all of these threats that the Mayor is going to be doing mass layoffs and trying to dissolve some unions, The Boss Lady is playing Pick Up Sticks.

For those of you who are my age or older and some younger may remember the game where kids threw down a handful of colored sticks. And the game was to remove as many sticks from the pile without disturbing and collapsing the pile. The one who had the most sticks in the end was the winner.

Well, The Boss Lady is doing the same thing here. She saw this new task and she immediately said, “I have to get my people trained.” Why? The more things we know how to do, the less likely they will lay us off, or so she thinks. Perhaps if it was another agency and another time, but during this time of austerity, if they have to lay you off, they will lay your butt off. If you happen to be holding the building up, they will lay you off and simply let the building fall and deal with the pieces. I know it is a sick way to run a business, but this is what is SOP for NYPD.

The bad thing was the class I went to involved working with a computer system which requires an officers signature and thumbprint to get it to work. We ARE NOT officers, so that means we can’t use it! I guess that also accounted for the fact that I was the only PAA ( civilian worker ) in a class full of cops, Sergeants and Detectives. . . . . . . .

The Boss Lady should know better because she’s been working there longer! There are some tasks that PD just doesn’t want us to do. So what’s the big push? Ya know?
Anyway, I came home and crashed! I slept all night like the dead. The next day, unfortunately most of the day was spent prone. Today, I managed to get a little done, I even went out and RAN! But, once I got home from grocery shopping and got cleaned up. I crashed again! I’m telling you, a person who has insomnia should not do doubles.

Well I’m sleeping pretty good now. When I go back to work, it is a different story. I have to make sure I tell the doctor this next week when I see her. Fat lotta good she’ll do. . . .

Oh, by the way I’ve been promoted again on The Online Star Base! I’m still a Lieutenant but I’ve been given the title of “Correspondent” which means I will be responsible to produce a monthly article for their online magazine called The Blue Alert.

I had been frittering around and trying to avoid doing it because I’m already writing for Free Enterprise. I felt I would be taking on too much. Plus, the article has to be Trek related. So that means research and stuff. Sigh. I’ll try it and see.

One of the guys from OSB who I keep in touch with told me this morning during chat “Boy! You really write a lot!” Yep! And he hasn’t seen my blogs or my RPGs. . . . . . . . .

I’m again debating whether I should enter NaNoWriMo. I think I am. It might be a big FAIL, but at least I tried. . . . .

Speaking of writing, I’m up to Chapter 80 in Free Enterprise! There is an end to the story, but the end will be more like a new beginning.

I gotta bounce
Via Con Dios Hola!

My Own Mouse . . . . . . . .


When I started working for NYPD, I had already worked for 15 years for the New York City Taxi and Limousine Commission. So when I transferred from one city agency to another, I mistakenly thought everything was going to be similar. I couldn’t be no more wronger. . . . . .

First of all when I got to NYPD I was told:

I had to always refer to time in the military or 24 hour clock format. So out went all of my analog clocks and in came the digital clocks.

I had to purchase my own pens, because NYPD did not receive enough money from the state to provide them. And not only did I have to provide my own pens, but they HAD TO BE BLACK PENS!

I look back at nearly 20 years of service and I see that working with NYPD has taught me many lessons in the necessity of “hoarding”.

For example: When the stores have Back To School sales, I stock up on black pens for the year. When we have toilet paper aplenty, I sock away a few rolls in my locker, just in case there is NONE! And believe you me, every weekend there is no “TP” in the house!

I’ve also learned to stock up on and stash copy paper. There is also a pitiful dearth of that every weekend. And until a month ago we used to fight over type writer ribbons! There was a particular form which had to be meticulously typed every day and in order to do that, one needed both a typewriter ( don’t laugh ) and a ribbon. For one will no be good without the other.

So, when we were not here, person(s) unknown would come into our office and steal our ribbon. Naturally with no ribbon and no way to get supplies because it was either 3am or on the weekend or both, we couldn’t do our work. Then we would be excoriated because we didn’t do the work. Well, excuse me but if you want I to do the work, you gotta give me the supplies. This is not ancient Egypt and I’m not a slave! Thank You!

As outrageous as all of this sounds, there is yet more. I returned from my RDO’s and found one of our office computers totally incapacitated because, get this, someone stole the mouse! That’s right, stole the mouse!

Where I came from such behavior was unheard of! There was no such thing as people coming to work and DELIBERATELY settling in and sleeping at their desks. There was no such thing as people not doing a damned thing all day or night despite the fact there was a pile of work sitting on their desk. There was no such thing as handing one’s work off to someone else, when YOU can do it because YOUR HANDS ARE NOT BROKEN! And there certainly wasn’t any problem with items getting stolen, being broken or workplace sabotage. I’ve seen all of this where I work. Then people are wondering why Mayor Bloomberg wants to “thin the herd” ( lay folks off ). Were it me, I would do the same!

As for the mouse problem, I snapped up quite a few computer mice a couple of months ago and I will bring one in just in and keep it in my locker just in case. SMH. . . . . . . .